
Tact and diplomacy are essential skills for building and maintaining relationships, both in the workplace and in personal life. They are centred around understanding and being sensitive to the feelings, opinions, beliefs, ideas, and communication style of others. Developing these skills can help you become a more effective communicator, able to respond appropriately and assertively without causing offence or damaging relationships. This involves learning to listen actively and developing emotional intelligence, which will enable you to understand what others are truly thinking and feeling. With practice and good judgement, you can master the art of tact and diplomacy, improving your negotiations and strengthening your relationships.
| Characteristics | Values |
|---|---|
| Understanding of other people's opinions, beliefs, ideas and feelings | |
| Being sensitive to others' feelings | |
| Asserting your ideas or opinions | |
| Knowing what to say and how to say it | |
| Subtle communication | |
| Active listening | |
| Emotional intelligence | |
| Authenticity | |
| Empathy |
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What You'll Learn

Active listening
Being fully present also involves listening with all your senses and stepping away from your own thoughts and biases. This allows you to tune into the speaker's inner world and connect with their emotions. Pay attention to non-verbal cues, such as body language and tone of voice, as these can provide valuable insights into the speaker's true feelings and intentions. As much as 65% of communication is unspoken, so by picking up on these cues, you can gain a deeper understanding of the speaker's message.
Ask open-ended questions to encourage the speaker to elaborate and show that you are interested in what they are saying. Avoid yes or no questions, which can hinder the flow of the conversation and make it challenging to truly listen and understand the speaker's perspective. Instead, use paraphrasing to demonstrate your comprehension and continue the discussion. Reflect on the speaker's emotions, whether expressed or implied, and respond in a way that validates their feelings.
By actively listening, you show respect and value for the speaker's needs, concerns, and ideas. This fosters trust, strengthens relationships, and promotes emotional connection. It is a powerful tool in negotiations, helping to reduce conflict and advance stalemate situations by creating a space for the speaker to share their perspective.
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Emotional intelligence
Developing emotional intelligence starts with self-awareness, which is the cornerstone of emotional intelligence. Self-awareness is the ability to identify and understand your emotions and the impact you have on others. It requires being honest with yourself about your emotions and the behaviours they trigger, so you can effectively manage them. This can be challenging as it involves confronting aspects of yourself that you may not be aware of or that may be difficult to acknowledge. However, it is a crucial step in developing emotional intelligence.
Another key aspect of emotional intelligence is empathy, which is closely linked to tact and diplomacy. Empathy is the ability to see the world from another person's perspective and understand their feelings and opinions. It involves putting yourself in someone else's shoes and considering their thoughts, feelings, and experiences as if they were your own. This helps you respond to others in a delicate and well-meaning manner, avoiding potential conflict and promoting collaboration.
In addition to self-awareness and empathy, emotional intelligence also encompasses social awareness and social skills. Social awareness involves understanding the emotions and perspectives of those around you, which is essential for effective communication and building relationships. Social skills, on the other hand, refer to your ability to interact and communicate with others in a tactful and diplomatic manner. This includes active listening, which means paying attention not only to what is being said but also to how it is being said, and responding appropriately.
Developing emotional intelligence takes practice and discipline. It requires evaluating each situation before speaking and acting in a thoughtful and subtle manner. It can be challenging, especially when you are personally affected or passionate about a topic. However, by leveraging emotional intelligence, you can effectively navigate difficult conversations, build positive relationships, and enhance your personal and professional interactions.
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Assertiveness
To develop assertiveness, it is important to first understand your own communication style and preferences. This includes knowing your strengths and weaknesses, how you react to stress and conflict, and how you adapt to different people and situations. Tools such as the DISC model or the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator can help identify your communication style and areas for improvement.
The next step is to know your audience. Understanding their communication style, goals, needs, and expectations will help you tailor your message effectively. Active listening, observing non-verbal cues, and researching cultural norms are techniques that can help you better understand your audience.
Choosing your words carefully is crucial. Avoid language that can trigger negative emotions or misunderstandings. Use "I" statements, positive framing, and empathetic language to convey your thoughts respectfully and clearly, without sounding confrontational. It is important to acknowledge others' perspectives and be mindful of cultural differences.
Practicing assertiveness in low-risk situations can help you become more comfortable with it. Remember that assertiveness is about finding a balance between standing up for yourself and respecting others' points of view. It is a skill that can be developed with practice, and it is an essential component of effective communication and relationship-building.
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Practising in low-risk situations
- Learn to resist personal appeals and instead focus on facts, evidence, and rationale.
- Practise being more direct in your communication. It is possible to be both sensitive and direct.
- Get comfortable with the idea that sometimes, you have to be cruel to be kind.
- Learn to share your opinions more proactively.
- Try to guess the level of tact and diplomacy in others.
Remember, tact and diplomacy are centred around understanding and being sensitive to the feelings, opinions, beliefs, ideas, and thoughts of others. Those with high levels of tact and diplomacy are able to accurately sense what is going on in the minds of others and respond in a way that avoids bad feelings or awkwardness while still asserting their own ideas and feelings.
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Understanding others' preferences
Active Listening and Observation
Communication is not solely verbal; observing an individual's behaviour, hobbies, collections, bedroom decor, and reactions in different settings can reveal their preferences. For example, do they seem to enjoy noisy, lively places or prefer quiet environments? Understanding these nuances can help guide your interactions and decisions involving that person.
Exploring Different Options
People often rely on past experiences to guide their decisions and preferences. For instance, if they enjoyed Thai food at a friend's house, they may be more inclined to try Thai food again. Creating new experiences and exploring different options can help expand their preferences and inform their decision-making.
Understanding Communication Styles
Different people have different communication styles and preferences. Some common dimensions include:
- Relationship/Task Orientation: When starting a new job, do they focus on building relationships and gaining colleagues' trust first, or do they prioritize task completion?
- Indirect/Direct: When giving feedback, do they soften the message with compliments, or are they more straightforward?
- Dialogue/Data: Do they prefer verbal communication (calling) or written (texting)? Do they share opinions freely, or do they need to see data and facts to form a belief?
- Accepting Risk/Avoiding Risk: Are they open to trying new things and embracing risks, or do they prefer formality and following rules to avoid failure?
- Egalitarian/Authoritarian: Do they believe in flat organizational structures with trusted teams, or do they prefer hierarchies with absolute leaders?
Adapting Your Communication Style
To enhance mutual understanding and engagement, try adapting your communication style to match or complement the other person's pace and preferences. This could mean adjusting response times, using their preferred communication channel (e.g., face-to-face, phone, email), and respecting their need for real-time or delayed responses. Using clear and concise language, free of jargon, can also improve understanding and create rapport.
Unconditional Positive Regard
Maintaining a commitment to the person and their decision-making process, even when it conflicts with your personal beliefs, is essential. This involves setting aside your judgments and preferences to hear and understand their preferences clearly. It also entails devoting uninterrupted time and focus to truly understand their perspective, which may be challenging if the person has cognitive disabilities or difficulties articulating their preferences.
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Frequently asked questions
Tact and diplomacy are skills centred around an understanding of other people and being sensitive to their opinions, beliefs, ideas and feelings. It involves understanding what another person is feeling or thinking and responding in a way that avoids bad feelings or awkwardness while asserting your own ideas and feelings.
Developing tact and diplomacy can lead to improved relationships and mutual respect, resulting in more successful outcomes and less stressful communications. It can also help you become a better negotiator and influencer, allowing you to build positive impressions and enhance your effectiveness in various situations.
Start by actively considering the feelings, views, and opinions of others, and try to understand their perspective before sharing your own. Practice active and accurate listening, focusing on what is being said, how it is said, and the underlying meaning. Develop emotional intelligence and empathy to better sense and respond to others' emotions.
Take control of the situation and maintain composure to avoid saying or doing something you may regret. Keep your preferred outcome in mind and be assertive without compromising your values. Adapt your behaviour and communication style to suit the person you are interacting with to build rapport and influence effectively.

























